My mother is 80 and has dementia, and it’s unfortunately time to take away her makeup, which is (not surprisingly) one daily routine that she remembers to do on her own. But she can’t apply mascara, eyeliner, or use brow pencils well on her own, and I’m not with her daily to do it for her (and I rarely wear anything, so I barely know what I’m doing). The mascara especially is applied too thick, it’s just a drugstore brand, and she’s constantly picking at and rubbing her eyes.
She’s lost some eyelashes, and she plucked her eyebrows to very fine lines when she was young, so she also doesn’t have much to work with there either. I’m wondering if we could do something semi-permanent like lash or brow tinting to help her feel like she’s got some modicum of makeup on, but I’m not sure if it’s a safe procedure for a much older woman? I’m not even sure she could get through the procedure without someone (me) there to keep her comfortable and to help her understand what they are doing. She’s fine when getting her hair done, or getting massages, but the lash tinting looks a little scary to me, in terms of bandages and tape, etc.
Whenever I search for makeup advice for seniors, it’s for people who are still… fully functional. Any advice or resources? Is there a ultra-lightweight mascara that she could wear that won’t build up and clump in her eyes?
It’s very hard to navigate preserving her health vs preserving her sense of self and femininity. Thanks in advance.
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Have you thought about temporary brow tattoos?
You just use water, and they last a couple of weeks. They’re affordable and something that you can do for her, so she’s with someone familiar.
They’re just like temporary tattoos that children get, except they’re for the brows.
If her makeup routine is what she remembers, hook her up.
Just a suggestion.
I’d steer clear of lash tinting, it really, really can’t get in your eyes during the process. Brow tinting should be just fine though, I do mine at home and it takes me maybe 5 minutes. If I’m not waxing them after to clean up any extra I use Vaseline painted on around where I don’t want the tint to go (my application skills suck). Just be aware that brow tint tends to look quite dark, like way darker than you’d expect, the first few days, but it will lighten after a few days. Just do a patch test first since skin can get more sensitive with age.
She might really like the process of doing her makeup though, so I’d try to find some she can safely use that isn’t irritating her eyes, even if she isn’t doing the greatest job with it.
Hmm ok. Thanks for the info!!
I don’t know if she “loves” doing her makeup, there’s a lot of cursing and muttering involved these days, but since it’s still part of her routine, I agree that she should still do whatever feels right to her.
I will be the same way at that age 😀. Love my beauty rituals. My mom had to have her eyebrows and lipstick on. I’m the same way now. It’s a sign that they are pretty healthy (other than dementia, of course).
I wonder if getting her an empty mascara bottle would help her maintain her routine without damaging her eyes? Amazon has many very cheap options!
She’s cognizant enough to know if the tube is empty, it’s more that she has a really heavy/unsteady hand in applying it. She can’t tell when to stop.
Have you had her vision checked? It could part of the problem.
Hi not sure how much help this would be. But there’s this make up brand called Guide Beauty that makes makeup up for people with disabilities. They design the products for those with shaky hands. They have a mascara there tool. Not sure if it would be worth it for your mother to try.
Great suggestion!
That might be, thank you for the suggestion.
Clear mascara gel?
See, I didn’t know that existed! That might help. Thanks!
Yay! It makes lashes look more defined, but there’s no color to clump or irritate
or smudge
also, you can try eyelash serum in mascara tube.
There’s also tinted lash primer and brow tint that comes with a mascara brush. No clumps or fibers.
Yes do a patch test!!! Don’t be like me.
If she is liking the routine of applying makeup but struggling with actually wearing makeup- what about giving her an empty mascara tube? A skin tone or neutral pencil?
She’d notice if it were empty. She is cognizant enough that something like that wouldn’t work. I might be able to get her on board with a clear or tubing mascara, but it will take daily reminders of “it is mascara, it just looks and feels different”.
I definitely need to change her brow pencil, it’s really dark and heavy and she is putting caterpillars on her face.
Lash and brow tinting is definitely a thing but I don’t think it lasts all that long. Apparently lash tinting only last like 4 weeks and brows like 6?
Then there’s brow microblading which lasts over a year but it’s basically a tattoo, so if they get the shape wrong I think you’d be stuck with it for a while.
Some people tint their brows themselves with men’s beard dye (like just for men) but I tried that a few weeks ago and had a really bad reaction to it (I stupidly didn’t do a patch test first). But it seems to work for a lot of people and it’s only $9 bucks for a box of dye.
Here’s an article about adaptive makeup products for disabled people, maybe there’s something in there that will help
I think the eyebrow tint is doable, but I doubt the eyelash tint will be a good idea.
I’m a woman in my 40s, and very into beauty stuff… I do get a lash lift and tint a few times a year…
IMHO, it’s too much for a lot of people my age. Having to sit still with your eyes shut for 45 mins, while someone pokes you on the eyelid, AND you cant open your eyes to look at them is a no for most average people.
You kinda have to be hardcore to tollerate it.
You might do okay doing it at home, one eye at a time, just the tint, no lift…
They sell eyelash safe dye kits on Amazon. Start with the eyebrows, and see how that goes, then try eyelashes on another day.
I didn’t realize the tinting took so long. Thanks for this info. I’m convinced now that it’s not as ideal of a solution (but the brows could be) as I thought it might be. Thanks for the tips.
It’s the lash lift that takes so long - you’re basically having your eyelashes permed so that they’ve got a semi-permanent curl.
Tinting on its own only takes six minutes (I use Refectocil products to do mine).
Wow, I got my brows tinted recently and was going to go back to get my lashes done but I think I’ll give it a miss, I don’t think I would like that at all. Useful information!
No problem.
It doesn’t hurt or anything, it’s just really tough from a sensory or control perspective.
Like imagine how weird a dental visit would be if you were blindfolded the whole time, and every-time you tensed up, it made it harder for the tech.
I don’t know a lot about make up but I do know something about dementia… I would personally not encourage changes to the routine, and certainly avoid (semi) permanent changes to her appearance.
A lot of my patients get to a stage where they don’t recognize themselves in the mirror anymore. Often family members will come in and do their hair, make up etc for a special occasion, like a birthday, and they freak out when they see themselves in the mirror. The idea of having something altered on their face and them not being able to get it off… reminds me of the woman who didn’t remember she had permanent make up/make up tattood on (eyeliner and lips) who damaged her corneas trying to rub it off… I don’t know your mother, the cause of or prognosis for her dementia, but I would be very careful about it.
I agree with you! I also work in the field of dementia and would like to add how important this routine could be for OP’s mom. If OP goes the semi permanent makeup route, she’s removing a vital routine from her mother’s life.
Routines provide comfort, stability, and even a reason to get up and keep living. When everything around you (and even your understanding of yourself) seems to be changing, our routines are what ground us. Heightened anxiety can arise from a lack of purpose or routine.
I have seen several ladies with dementia absolutely NEED to go through the motions of makeup applications. They either enjoy the routine and still take pride in how they present themselves, or are so used to it that it’s just an ingrained part of daily life.
Eyesight worsens in dementia, so even if you dyed her brows/lashes, 2 things could happen: 1) she could be terrified by what she sees in the mirror (which you pointed out in the above post) or 2) she could just not even understand/see that there’s permanent makeup applied and keep applying on top.
While OP’s question is clearly coming from a good place and is trying to help, Removing the ability to do her makeup routine could lead her to start using non-makeup to do the job—I’ve had a lady that used Sharpie on her eyes when the family didn’t think she needed it anymore.
Good luck, OP. I hope you, your mother, and family have the support you need. Dementia sure is one wild ride, but between all the devastation there still are some beautiful moments.
Yes and yes. My mother had a drawer in her night table and it always had the same things in it, but she would go through that drawer several times a day. It was her ritual. I would have never emptied that drawer because there was nothing she could harm herself in it, so it was her way I guess of self soothing. And she would always tell any girls she saw to put some lipstick on lol. She was very big on lipstick . Sometimes we would put some on and it made her so happy that we listened to her. It seems like little things but it’s not to them. It’s a cruel thing that some of our dearest go through but in the early stages those people are still struggling to hold on to some part of themselves . After she had to go into a nursing home she was ok for a bit but soon lost most of herself. So in hind-site, letting them do safely what they can , is one of the last loving things you can do for them ✌️
Absolutely, very good points. Thanks.
If she has enough eyebrow hairs the tinting would work well. You can do it at home in ten minutes with eg just for men dye. But it does only last a few weeks. I don’t think she would get on well with the lash dying
I just got my eyebrows tinted and I think if you could watch her like an absolute hawk and keep her from rubbing her eyes it could work. The tint stung a little but it wasn’t bad applied to the skin. But it would for sure be an issue if she rubbed it into her eyes. It took about 10 minutes for the tint to work and the eyebrow lady took it off.
BTW, you’re such an amazing daughter and i just wanted to tell you that.
Thank you. I’m not amazing, but I’m trying to be there and be helpful.
That seems to be the consensus, to dye her brows but not the lashes.
No thanks required because it’s the truth. Most people would be patting themselves on the back (and should) for just getting her fed and bathed. That you still see her as a human and a woman is very very sweet and special.
Of course if anything it would help make a face look more youthful, as we age hairs seem to thin and lighten which gives a face no real contrast so yes , yes you definitely can
As long as she understands what’s happening and is able to sit still, it seems like a great idea. Every woman deserves to feel beautiful, no matter her age.
Ohhhh, it’s such a tricky disease. Sending lots of love to you both ❤️
These ideas are very kind of you, and clearly coming from a place of great care. I’d suggest, though, that it’s worth taking a step back first, and asking whether these procedures would make any difference in her habits. If “I need to do my makeup routine” is so strongly fixed in her, it may well stay that way regardless of any procedures or treatments.
I.e. (depending on her specific progression) she may or may not be or remain capable of any or all of: a) remembering that she’s had the treatments; b) remembering that because she’s had the treatments she doesn’t need to do her lashes/brows any more; c) noticing in the mirror that her brows/lashes look different; d) putting two and two together to figure out that the difference she sees in her appearance means that she doesn’t need to do lashes/brows.
So you may find even with treatments, she’ll still do (or want to do) her makeup routines regardless, and the current issues may not be resolved. So perhaps a harm-reduction modification like the tubing mascara or clear/nude products others have suggested is a better way to go.
Wishing you both luck, whatever you go with ❤️
I’d try henna brow you can purchase it online and there is tutorials online , it stains skin for longer then normal brow tint. Just be sure to keep it on long enough, if it’s removed to soon it will leave a yellow/green cast.
Just for Men beard color is great for brows, my hair is prematurely very grey including my brows and that stuff just takes a few mins. Or if she gets her hair colored still, they can just put a bit of dye on her brows too.
I didn’t have much luck with lash tinting myself, but I’d say that might be difficult unless she is able to be very still for that extended period of time.
From an health care providers pov. I wouldn’t recommend unless her dementia is in its early stages.
I think it is unhealthy to have someone 80 try something that they could have a strong allergic reaction to. If a patient doesn’t know when to stop applying mascara, they should not be using it on their own. Women don’t NEED to wear makeup. Just let her be bare faced.